Dementia holiday tips can make the season easier for families caring for a loved one. The holidays are built on everything that is hard for a person with dementia. New faces, loud rooms, late dinners, a change in routine and a long list of people asking, “Do you remember me?”
None of that means your mom or dad should sit this year out. It means the day needs a different plan. November is National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month, and it is also when families start planning the gatherings. Here is what I tell families every year.
Keep It Smaller and Earlier
Two or three hours with a handful of people will go better than a full day with everyone. If late afternoon is a hard time for your parent, move the meal to lunch. Many families find early in the day is when their loved one is most like themselves.
If the whole family is coming, consider letting people visit in small waves rather than all at once.
Protect the Routine
Keep wake-up time, medications, meals and rest as close to normal as you can. A missed nap or a late dose can turn a good afternoon into a hard evening.
If your parent is traveling to you, think twice. A new house, a strange bathroom and a guest bed can be disorienting enough to cause a bad night or a fall. It is often easier to bring the holiday to them.
Set Up a Quiet Room
Pick a room away from the noise with a comfortable chair, familiar music and good light. Make it somewhere your parent can rest without it feeling like they are being sent away. Check on them there, and let one person sit with them at a time.
Brief Your Guests Before They Arrive
A short text or call helps a lot. Let relatives know what to expect, especially anyone who has not visited in a while
- Introduce yourself when you say hello: “Hi Dad, it’s Sarah.”
- Skip “Do you remember?” Talk about the memory instead of quizzing them on it.
- Don’t correct them. If he thinks it is 1985, visit 1985 for a while.
- Keep questions simple, one at a time.
- Sit down to talk instead of standing over them.
Give Them a Job
Folding napkins, stirring something, setting out rolls or looking through a photo album with a grandchild. Being useful matters to people with dementia as much as it does to anyone. Pick something that can’t really go wrong.
Watch the Food and the Drinks
Rich food, a full plate and alcohol can cause confusion, stomach trouble and falls, and alcohol can interact with many medications. Offer smaller portions, and keep the wine glass out of reach unless their doctor has said it is fine.
Have an Exit Plan
Decide ahead of time who will notice when your parent has had enough and who will take them home or to the quiet room. Leaving early is not a failure. It is how you end on a good moment instead of a hard one.
Take Care of the Caregiver Too
If one person in the family does most of the caregiving, the holidays can be the hardest time of the year for them. They are cooking, hosting and watching your parent all at once. Give them a real break. Take a shift, or bring in help for the day so they can sit down and eat with everyone.
Ask us about a caregiver for the holiday itself, so your parent has a steady helper and the rest of the family can be present. Learn more about our memory care and in-home care.
If the Visit Shows You Something New
For many families, the holidays are the first time in months they see their parent for more than an hour. If you notice more confusion, weight loss, an unsafe kitchen or a parent who is more isolated than you realized, don’t wait for January to call. A diagnosis does not automatically mean a move, and it does not mean a locked unit.
Call us at (562) 438-5336 or schedule a free care assessment, even if you are only in town for a few days. We’ll help you figure out what your parent needs and put a plan in place before you fly home.